Announcing: Hotties and Bazingas Book 1!

I made a video talking about the release, and you can find it right here:

But! If you don't want to watch me talk excitedly for seven minutes, I'll sum it up:

I've written a novella! It's a satire police procedural with two very fine ladies who, uh...bang. They fight crime, sleep together, and fight crime by sleeping together.

Without further ado, I give you: Hotties and Bazingas and the Murder Cult Murders!

Detective Officer Alexus Hotties is a dedicated policewoman who works alone, with dedication. Yet her dedicated working-aloneness is quickly challenged when the FBI sends cybercrimes officer Major Porsche Bazingas to help solve a bizarre, bloodless murder, only reported after the video of which was uploaded to YouTube. Hotties is quickly impressed with Bazingas' body, and her FBI skills, as they uncover evidence that even worse is coming. Can they solve the murder and bring the killers to justice before they can kill again? Can Hotties open herself up to a partner again, both in her squad car and in her bed? And can Bazingas accept working with a partner who works alone? Find out in the inaugural adventure of Hotties and Bazingas!

Detective Officer Alexus Hotties is a dedicated policewoman who works alone, with dedication. Yet her dedicated working-aloneness is quickly challenged when the FBI sends cybercrimes officer Major Porsche Bazingas to help solve a bizarre, bloodless murder, only reported after the video of which was uploaded to YouTube. Hotties is quickly impressed with Bazingas' body, and her FBI skills, as they uncover evidence that even worse is coming. Can they solve the murder and bring the killers to justice before they can kill again? Can Hotties open herself up to a partner again, both in her squad car and in her bed? And can Bazingas accept working with a partner who works alone?
Find out in the inaugural adventure of Hotties and Bazingas!

Hotties and Bazingas will be out February 14th. Because I believe in love, and this is a love story, of two women who love. And solve a murder. Oh, and maybe there's a cult or something, and hi-jinks. For $0.99, how can you pass that up?

Pre-order your copy today at Amazon, or pick up your choice of formats from my web store on Valentine's Day for just a buck.

Early review are in and friends have had the following to say:

  • "I hate you." - Editor Brian White
  • "Jesus Christ. That was horrible, but that was enjoyable." - Tara Whittle
  • "You should be proud and ashamed." - Matthew Fredrickson

I am, Matt. Oh god, am I. 

If you enjoy a good laugh, make sure to pick up a copy. If you don't, well, you'll hate this and write me nasty emails and I'll have to mock you online. Either way, enjoy it or not, I think we're all going to have fun with this one. 

See you Valentine's Day. 

<3

 

Solstice Babies and Winter Birthdays

Trying to kick this blog off right, let's start with a birthday! 

I hear a lot, from other people with birthdays near Christmas, that it's the worst time to be born. The issue, it seems, is that family likes to roll your birthday and Christmas into the same event, and therefore you don't get a proper birthday. 

I'm waiting to hear that one from my son, who is 7 years old today, 4 days before Christmas.

Because he was due the 8th of December. This isn't my fault. 

But 7 years ago he arrived, disrupting everything like a rambunctious puppy that eats your home. That child didn't sleep through a night for, oh, somewhere between 13 and 18 months. He spent the first 6 months unable to sleep anywhere but on my chest, with me sitting up in bed. 

But once he could walk, his world changed. Our world changed. He became so happy, as if the first 9.5 months he'd just been held back from the world he wanted to see. No more 13 hours straight of crying. No more only resting when being bounced and walked around. 

Now, 7 years later, he's a phenomenal young kid. He can read. He's excellent at math. His favorite part of the day is having his dad read books to him. They've read The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings and they're almost through the 4th Harry Potter book. 

He tells stories, constantly. I make stabs at writing and although I do my best, I'm outpaced by this tiny, brilliant mind.

He wants to be a scientist. He wants to be an astronaut. He wants to be a cop.

He wants to be an Engineer Astronaut Cop. That's amazing. Now you want to be an Engineer Astronaut Cop too, admit it. 

As sad as it is to realize my little bundle of rage and fury, my tiny, bald baby, my happy, bumbling toddler, is gone forever, the little boy he's grown into is a delight. He makes us laugh every day, is always up for an adventure, and I never thought I'd have to beg one human so often to stop talking about Minecraft. I'm proud of who he's grown into, and can't wait to see the man he becomes. 

So happy birthday, bitty Trex. I promise to do everything I can to always make your birthday a separate event from Christmas and though you're not getting that god damn Hatchimal the TV told you to desire, I know you'll have a grand day anyway. 

And it could be worse, child-mine. You could have one of the rare February 29th birthdays. Gasp. 

Welcome, Friends!

It's looking pretty darn schnazzy around here, if I do say so myself. 

Welcome to the new home of Govneh.com! The launching of this site means a lot of things. It means that I finally admitted my lack of technical know-how and moved from Wordpress to Squarespace. It means I have a pretty decent site that functions how I want it. It means that I'm paying money to a completely different entity. 

But most importantly, it means I am launching new adventures and have access to a web store that supports digital downloads! I don't want to say anything YET, but I do have something I love very much in the works. I need to push a few more buttons, turn a couple more knobs, and hustle just a while longer before announcing it. Soon, my loves. Soon! 

In the meantime, poke around the site, make yourself comfy, and hopefully I'll have announcements for you soon. Not everything is quite polished up yet. The store isn't functional, and I don't have my stories loaded. BUT! Now you know I'm here, so when I finally announce things, you'll be able to say you were part of the Famclub before it was cool. 

Cheers!

-Govneh